Archive for the ‘Hair’ Category

How does a SAHM SAH?   Leave a comment

So this question came up. How does a stay at home mum stay at home?

There’s lots of reasons for a stay at home parent (Yep, stay a home dads count, too!) to stay at home. Most of them relating to wanting the best possible carer for your children – which is you. Preschools and Schools are not bad choices, but your children will never get the one on one attention, ┬ácustomised classes, or the emotional security (which only leads to a more successful children) that comes from you. Not every family can do it – not everyone wants to. If you do, this one is for you.

There’s lots of money saving tips out there. This entry isn’t about that. I’ll be adding to that body with my own collection next week. Before that, though, here is some advice that has nothing to do with money, but everything to do with success: Be good to each other.

The world has not become a better place for the worker in recent years. A lot of places which previously had excellent rights and a least a reasonable minimum wage no longer have. I live in the USA, so we have never had the former and it’s been a very, very long time since the latter.
Well, of course you know this. The thing is that this matters not just to your wallet, but to your relationship. Financial worry is stressful. It is also all but inevitable in your relationship as a working parent, child-rearing parent partnership.

So be good to each other.

Stay-at-home parent, remember that working parent is working a job that 40 years ago would have paid all the bills and still gotten you a holiday once a year. These days, they’re lucky if you can eat out (which you absolutely should not do… but that is for next week). There will be times when even though they work so very hard they feel they are failing when they can’t provide things you want. Please be understanding of this. Be understanding of their hard days, be appreciative of all the days. Acknowledge their contributions – even the small ones.

So be good to each other.

Working parent, remember that stay-at-home parent works as hard as you do. They don’t get lunch breaks, they don’t get days off. Even when you’ve been working a 14 hour shift and just want to get your footwear off, remember that stay-at-home parent has been working it, too. Your time off is their time off – share it. Help out. A good parent gives the child or children all the attention they need, and children need a LOT of attention for a secure attachment (basically the key to a life of success). That isn’t easy. You’re part of it, too. You need to be a part of your kid’s life (lives) as more than a breadwinner. Caring for them and fulfilling their needs does this. It also lets your stay at home partner spend 20 minutes playing Halo, napping, or knitting. That means a lot when one spends the rest of one’s day attending to the needs of others.

So be good to each other.

Remember that your partner is not a mind reader. No one is. If your needs are not being met, talk about it. Tell your partner how you feel. Even for the little things. Lots of little silences build up in to one big silence before too long. Remember to listen, too. You don’t always talk when you should, either, so even if it is something that’s been going on for a while, give it serious thought. Break downs in communication are a huge problem, and they start by saying yes when you mean no or worse, saying nothing at all when you want to speak.

So be good to each other, respect each partner’s contribution and talk to each other. Be the equal partners you are supposed to be. Sometimes you will disagree, but you are partners in this adventure. THAT is how stay at home parents stay at home.

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Armpits4August. It’s a thing.   Leave a comment

So, this came up.
Most of what I could say is in this article. Please do read.

What I’m going to do is tell you why I don’t shave, and it’s not because I’m a feminist.
It’s because I’m a mother.

I first stopped shaving when I was 3 months pregnant and nearly slipped in the shower. Anyone who has a baby knows how terrifying those first few months are. There is a constant, and somewhat valid, fear of doing something and loosing the baby. Shaving became one of those things I just did not have the guts to do.
I’d been shaving for years. The menfolk in my life seemed to prefer it, and I always thought of it as cleaner. Who wants smelly armpit hair? As for my legs, well, I have PCOS myself. They look like dude’s legs. I also have a small beard.
I was very, very self conscious. I still remember crying many, many times because I just felt so self conscious about it. Once my husband even stopped on a trip somewhere to get some razors, because I would freak out about it.
Then I got pregnant.
Everything changed. I stopped shaving my legs and everything else, too. I was still self-conscious, but at least I no longer feared being mistaken for a cross dresser (which I also feel guilty for, because there is nothing wrong with actually being a cross dresser ). A Pregnant belly is an unmistakable mark of femininity. Suddenly I was confident in my gender identity as never before. I am a woman. I like being a woman. I am happy being a woman. Finally, I am secure in being a woman. It doesn’t work that way for everyone, but for me, it did.
Then i had my baby.
Getting out became a goal in and of itself. Who cares what I look like? If I got my hair brushed every day it was a miracle; shower once a week was impressive. Everything became about pushing through those hard, hard first months. I had to refocus on what what important: Getting my hair brushed, and wearing my shirt right way out. I stopped caring about my hair. I didn’t even notice. I was so wrapped up in caring for my baby that some how I stopped worrying about how other people see me.
Then I was showering every second day and even got out for walks with my baby. I could walk without pain and my mind felt clear again. It happened some time around the six month mark that I woke up.
I realised that I didn’t hate myself anymore. I actually feel *good* about myself. I am happy being this way! There is nothing wrong with arm pit hair and a bit of a beard! I have nothing to prove. Not to the world. Not to you… and not to myself.

Then came the next realisation.
I am my daughter’s model. When she looks at me, she will see what she will look like when she grows up – even though she may, in reality, look nothing like me she will still think this way. If I show her that I am not happy with my body, then how can she be happy with hers? In her mind, I am judging her when I judge myself. Mother is the model of all things to daughter. I can teach her self love. This is my opportunity to make her happier than I ever was. I can teach her to love herself by not changing myself. By saying ‘I’m fine as I am’ I can teach her that so, too, is she. I can teach her to be healthy instead of thin; by happy instead of shaven. I am going to. If she chooses to shave later on, that’s her choice. But I will not have taught her from her youngest days that she has to to be a woman. She will not know how much self doubt I was tourtured with because I had a few hairs on my chin.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is where I will now explain something even more mind blowing than my journey to self acceptance with the help of a litle baby.
There is not a single part of your anatomy that does not serve a purpose.
Even your hair.
I know. I know. Pubic hair is icky, right? Wrong. As icky as public hair seems, what it actually does is keep the skin underneath clean and free of harmful bacteria. When you shave, you actually cover your skin in harmful bacteria and open it up with micro-tears in to which the bacteria can travel. Other removal methods are just as harsh. You actually make yourself more dirty by removing it.
It also makes things more comfortable. It reduces friction when you move your arms… and during sex. It cushions one against bacteria carried by one’s partner during sex, too. If you’re having casual sex, keep in mind that those micro-tears that let bacteria in also make you more likely to catch STDs. I found my regular UTIs disappeared after I stopped shaving. Nothing else worked.
So yea. It’s there for good reasons.

Put some though in to Armputs4August ladies – and gents. See if you like the freedom it brings. I sure did. You might be happier – and healthier.